A little different from other posts on here.

I inherently dislike being told that what I like to listen to or watch on tv instantly makes me less of a person. I like crappy telly. I like boy bands. I also like good tv/films, I listen to so-called ‘good’ music. But sometimes it’s nice to watch something and not have to really pay attention to it. Or listen to something and sing along to it. 

I also recognise that to get anywhere in this world you need to pay your way. You need to get a job, you can be creative and follow creative pursuits but you also need a job to be able to support yourself.  The self entitlement that some people feel today upsets me. Not everything is deserved straight away. 

I do not like to be told that the way I choose to live my life is shitty. 

No film or whatever today. As I’m on my phone and can’t be arsed faffing around with that. 

A. X

Derivative.

I’ve been writing some poetry in the last week or so, I’ve no idea where I got the inspiration for it. But what I have found through these writings is that I write wholly depressive or sad poetry. People write what they know, that’s what the world says, but I have a relatively happy life! I have some good friends, I’m relatively happy in myself. but transferring that to paper ends in twee, derivative bullshit. And if there is one thing in this world that creatives deign not to be, it is derivative. No matter how well it may work in the grand scheme of things.

The other day the concept of writing a University memoirs came up in conversation. My friend is thinking of writing a How-To for uni life, way cool and a true to life how-to is not something that I have seen in print. Everything just barely skims the surface. You never find out how to pull your friends out of a destructive way of living. Or when to see that they’re not just missing lectures or friend gatherings because they’re tired. Or how to budget really effectively. Or how to make £2.50 last 2 weeks. Or what really to do when this hedonistic student life is over. Or how to have difficult conversations without over emoting. Or what to do when a friend has been spiked at a bar. What to do when your friend is spiralling out of control, running and circling and falling down a deep dark hole that you can only hope to pull them out of. What to do when your relationship goes down the tubes because you’ve gone to university and they haven’t. I mean there might be something that touches on a few of the things outlined above, but nothing that may have gone into descriptive detail.

I understand that this isn’t indicative everyone’s university experience, but it is some peoples, it was/is mine. And to have that even vaguely touched upon in a guide to uni would have been amazingly helpful. But hey, I might not have had the experiences that I have had.

It’s interesting that this post is much easier to write than the essay that I need to be writing. I’ve written basically a bunch of outpouring personal babble and formed into something vaguely coherent and readable. Why can’t this be something I can submit?! Hahah.

“You know, I’m not going to have this conversation with you right now, okay! Fall apart on your own time…” Middle of Nowhere (2008)

A film review – Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

I was visiting with my mum a week or so ago and she has Amazon Fire TV, which has got loads of films and television shows on it. One such film was Inside Llewyn Davis, which I thought I would review today. I don’t want to give away any spoilers as I think that everyone should watch this film and although it was released in 2013, a lot of people may have not had the opportunity to view it yet. Just want to put this out there, it has also sparked a minor infatuation with Oscar Isaac, he’s just so cool, haha.

Inside Llewyn Davis features an almost ensemble cast and follows the eponymous Llewyn through a few days in his life as a down-on-his-luck folk musician. And while he brings a good crowd to the bar where he sings and has fans willing to let him sleep on their sofa, Llewyn is destitute. He’s the typical broke and angry young man that cinema loves. The way in which he interacts with other characters within the film could lend himself to be seen as a highly volatile somewhat unlikable character, which he can be, but there are several moments in which you see the empathetic side of him. The film is desperately sad in places and is filmed in an almost sepia tinged tone, adding to the overall feel of the piece. It features a beautiful soundtrack, with music being a main plot point throughout, the soundtrack includes the songs performed within the story and music used elsewhere in the film. The Coen brothers have worked their magic and made a film with no distinct, stereotypical storyline into a beautiful piece of cinema. Ironically somewhat this review says nothing about the film aside from its melancholia, this film that says so much without saying anything is let down by this review that says everything and yet nothing of note.

It’s difficult to write a review of a film that you like so much and do not want to spoil for future viewers. I’m kind of out of practice, I’ll be posting another review soon, including spoilers, of a Ken Loach film from the 90’s.

“If it was never new, and it never gets old, then it’s a folk song.” Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

A.

Growing up.

I don’t have to drink to have a good time, but when I do I’ve started to really like vodka sodas.. little bit more grown up than Archers and lemonade haha. I actually found someone on (undisclosed dating site), that I had met in a bar last year and I struck up a conversation with him. And we are still talking, 3 days on. I just had carrots and hummus for lunch. And I’m listening to 80’s soundtracks. Living the actual pretend grown up dream.

But seriously, I plan to start publishing more of my creative writing online – might even use my WattPad account again, once I get rid of the embarrassing writing that teenage me did.

I’ve also been inspired to do some personal essay writing, once my uni essays are done. As I’ve been reading some of Caitlin Moran’s How To Be A Woman and although I don’t plan on writing about what she has, it’s nice to remember that essays don’t always have to be something that is graded.

So annoyed, my uni computers are apparently blocking Spotify and it keeps stopping and starting D:. Also job searches have been futile lately, I’m not the right fit for a job in a supermarket or a restaurant. All I want is a job where I get paid, I work really hard and really need the cash. Just upsetting is all. Failing on that part of being a pretend adult lol.

Listening to the St Elmo’s Fire soundtrack is getting me through it though haha. It’s so good! All the saxophone and woodwind and piano. So calming and uplifting.

In honour of the soundtrack, today’s film of the day is St Elmo’s Fire. And the quote is from Rob Lowe’s character Billy. In one of the key scenes near the end of the film. Also very apt for the theme of today’s post too.

“Jules, y’know, honey… this isn’t real. You know what it is? It’s St. Elmo’s Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them… there was no fire. There wasn’t even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you’re making up all of this. We’re all going through this. It’s our time at the edge.” St Elmo’s Fire (1985). 

A.

 

Different directions

A few months ago I wrote that I was thinking about altering this blog, making it more professional and less emotional/personal. But after thinking it over, I might as well just start a whole new blog as a showcase of more professional writing. And keep this one, because I really am proud of the layout and the way that I have done all the posts. I get that it’s not totally original and barely anybody reads it, but it makes me happy. Now all I have to do is figure out a new name for a new blog and how to lay it out and what to write about… that’s a lot of stuff! Especially when I should be writing an essay right now.

The film for today has no relevance to the topic of the post and the only reason I am using it is because I watched it last night.

“Ornithologist, huh? Wow. Now there’s a mouthful.” Die Another Day (2002).

A.

Time for a change?

I’m thinking about making this blog more professional, as more of a showcase of how I can write and not have as detailed accounts of my life. Less ‘total lifestyle’, more snippets and anonymity.

Because although I like what I have written so far, it reads as whiny and sad alot of the time. And although I can be sad, as everyone can, I try not to be whiny in my real life haha.

Thing is, I really like the layout I use currently and all the films I have used so far. So it may have to be a complete overhaul of this wordpress site – still using all the films I have used previously but archiving the posts they went with formerly.

I’m not going to do this for the next few days – I’m going to confer with my friend Alice ( https://blogvodfilm.wordpress.com/ ) as her blog is way nicer/better than mine haha, plus *friendship* (imagine a really high pitched campy voice for that lol).

“No capes!” The Incredibles (2004)

Werk

Intentional misspelling right there. I had work this morning, got in way too early as I had forgotten whether I started at 8 or 9 this morning. Thankfully as I got in at 8:20, I didn’t start til 9. But I feel like I’ve been awake forever. Can’t sleep now though, meant to be doing uni work.

Bought some minging pasta from Poundland – do not recommend the chicken bacon pasta pot haha, so gross. I’m so tired and my feet hurt. And my favourite bra broke D: , it’s not been a good couple of days. Don’t even know if I can make it back for my sisters birthday either, which sucks, cause she’s 18 years old this year. And I missed her birthday last year too. But I’ll sort something out I reckon.

Was meant to do uni work today, started writing this post at least an hour and a half ago. Think I just need sleep. No work is getting done this evening.

Feeling a bit crap today, I think it’s cause I’m tired. And the holidays always end up making me sad and miss the people that should be there but aren’t any more. Christmas 10 years ago or even Christmas 5 years ago were so much better than they are now. Not saying I don’t like it, cause I do, I like seeing my family and hanging out with the ones I don’t see so often. But just 5/6 years ago…my parents were together – unhappily so – but they were together. And my uncle still lived in the UK. And my wonderful amazing grandma was still here.

But things change as you grow up. People leave. Relationships change. And each year the magic of Christmas dulls a little bit more. We don’t have a lot of small children in my family at the moment – we are in that in-between stage of having 11 year old kids being the youngest apart from babies. The magic of Christmas will be reawakened when the babies are old enough to know what it’s about and then maybe it’ll be reignited for me too. I just hope that they will be aware of what an amazing person their Great Grandma/Great Aunt was. And how much we all miss her.

Sorry for the emotional post today. I’ve been listening to some Christmas songs at work and stacking loads of Rod Stewart (who was one of my Grandma’s favourites) CD’s and it’s been a tad emosh today for me to say the least. In the spirit of this post, today’s film is a Christmas one.

” I realized that Christmas is… is the time to be with the people you love.” Love Actually (2003)

A.